My Faith

Posted: January 4, 2014 in religion
Tags: , , , ,

For the better part of the last 17 years, I’ve questioned my faith. At best, I’m an agnostic that sometimes borders on atheism, and other times Christianity. Dying scares me. Sometimes when I’m trying to go to sleep, it’s all I can think about. “What happens when we die? Do we disappear, our consciousness and memories lost forever? Or is there some higher plane of existence, like Heaven?”

I’m not so arrogant to think that I have all the answers. And not having that information, not knowing definitively what happens after we die, scares the ever loving shit out of me. I have near panic attacks thinking that this is all there is, that I’ll miss out on so many awesome things in the future.

But when I get to feeling that way, I just think to myself that you can’t create something out of nothing. Time had to have a beginning. Scientists say this universe may not be the first to exist. But there had to be a first. And it had to have been made out of something. Where did that something come from?

The only thing that makes sense to me is that someone or something that exists outside of time and space, as we understand it, made it happen. Whether it was Jehova, Yahweh, Allah, Buddha, the flying spaghetti monster (which I think is the least likely…), or whichever deity you choose to follow, I don’t know. But it makes me believe that there could be something to all these stories of God(s), angels, devils, demons, prophets, and an afterlife.

This is what I choose to believe. I can neither prove it nor disprove it. I know most people won’t take this theory seriously. And that’s fine. But it’s what gives me the strength to keep going.


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